Lost & Found: How Reiki Empowered Me to Heal

Content advisory: This post briefly addresses themes of sexual assault and sexual trauma.

When I first walked into my Reiki teacher’s studio, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

A few months earlier, I had quit my high-pressure job after a spectacular burnout. I felt aimless, unmotivated and depressed. I was facing constant pressure from friends and family to explain my next career move, but the truth was, I had no idea. For the first time in my life, I had no vision or plan.

I was so burnt out that all I wanted to do was sleep and watch Netflix. My partner would leave for work in the morning and call me in the afternoon to check in and I’d still be asleep. The smallest tasks, like making myself a bowl of cereal in the morning, felt insurmountable. It was as if my body was catching up on the years of sleep I’d missed out on from throwing myself into my work, social life, or any other distraction that prevented me from facing myself.

One day out of the blue, a concerned friend sent me a link to a Facebook event for a meditation class. “Isn’t this in your neighbourhood? I think you should check it out,” she wrote. Reluctantly, I decided to give it a try. It was only a five minute walk from where I lived, and the event invitation said there would be complimentary tea and angel card readings.

As soon as I walked into the studio, I felt a sense of calm. A small group of women were gathered in a circle on yoga mats, and their energy was relaxed and inviting. I locked eyes with the meditation teacher at the front of the room, who smiled warmly as if she’d been expecting me.

As the class began, she invited us to lie down and get comfortable. Her voice was gentle as she guided us into a meditation focused on connecting with our inner child. I connected with the small child inside of me who felt abandoned, neglected and afraid. It was an emotional experience and I could feel a shift taking place. As the meditation concluded, I felt a tremendous sense of relief. I understood that the best thing I could give to Little Byrne was time to rest and heal.

I started attending the meditation class regularly, and began seeing my meditation teacher a few times a month for one-on-one Reiki healing sessions. Reiki is a gentle healing technique that uses channeled energy to relax and heal the mind, body and spirit. In each session, we would work together to heal energetic blockages and release deep shame. I started feeling lighter, and noticed my anxiety was more manageable. Eventually, my teacher invited me to study with her to become a Reiki healer myself.

I signed up for my first Reiki level and was placed in a class with four other women. The training was a day-long event. At the beginning of the class, my teacher informed us that by the end of the day, each of us would be releasing something that had been holding us back. As the morning progressed, we were gently guided to reflect upon the “bricks that we kept in our backpacks.” Our teacher dismissed us for lunch, and indicated that by the time we came back, we would each need to stand before the class and declare what we were releasing.

I felt a sick feeling in my stomach. I knew what I wanted to release, but I didn’t feel safe saying it out loud. I had just met these women, and there was no way I was going to share my deepest pain with a group of strangers, no matter how lovely they were. We chose a nearby restaurant for lunch. We were seated at the table, waiting for our food to arrive, when one of the women in the group invited us to share what we were getting ready to release. One by one, the women around me shared raw and honest truths about the pain they were ready to let go of.

When it was my turn, the room began to spin. I felt like I was going to throw up. I looked at the woman beside me, who seemed to just know. She grabbed my hand, and suddenly, I was calm. I began to speak.

I told the group about the time I was raped by my high school crush at a bush party on my sixteenth birthday. I explained that in my early twenties, I lived in Vietnam, where I made the mistake of putting my drink down at the bar, and ended up waking up naked the next morning in a windowless hotel room, next to a man I had no recollection of meeting. I also explained that I’d had many other sexual encounters that I didn’t think were consensual, I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol that started in my teens, and I was ashamed of how many sexual partners I’d had.

When I finished talking, I didn’t even notice that the server was at our table. I didn’t care. I felt both surprised by everything I’d just disclosed, and liberated. The women at my table empathized with me, and some even shared their own experiences. This deep, debilitating shame that had plagued me for decades was now out in the open. And it was ok.

When we returned to the studio that afternoon, I felt a deep resolve within me to release my shame for good. I stood before the group and shared my story once more, this time with more confidence. I raised my voice as I declared my truth and surrendered my story. I felt powerful.

We ended the class by learning a meditation technique that that involves visualizing a staircase and descending into a room where you connect with your inner child. I use this technique regularly, and the results have been miraculous.

I know it sounds cliché, but Reiki helped me find myself. As survivors, we often feel that our power has been taken away from us, or that our self-worth exists outside of us. Reiki empowers all who learn it to become their own healer. It invites us to come home to ourselves, and remember that we are worthy and powerful, simply because we exist.

We already have the answers to what we need deep within ourselves. We just have to learn how to listen.