How to Love Your Inner Child

Before I started therapy, I had very little awareness of my inner child. I’d done a few journaling exercises about connecting with your younger self, but aside from that, I never gave much thought to building a relationship with them.

The first time my therapist suggested that I “check in” with my inner child, it felt weird and unnatural. She guided me to put my hand over my heart and ask my little self what she was feeling. I held my hand there and felt nothing. This is stupid, I thought, but then two words escaped my mouth: “I’m scared.”

This was the beginning of a deep healing journey. I named my inner child Little Byrne and over time, my conversations with her flowed more naturally. As often as I could remember, I would ask her how she was feeling, what she needed, or simply: “what do you want me to know?”

The answers I received were astounding. Some of them were hard to hear. Realizing how neglected and unloved Little Byrne felt was painful. She called me out on the things I did that hurt her and it took time to earn her trust.

My conversations with Little Byrne have helped me to understand the things I need to do to heal. It turns out that my inner child is quite sassy and gives great advice. I don’t always like to hear it, but she knows exactly what I feel deep inside.

My relationship with my inner child is the most important relationship in my life. Little Byrne is the reason I believe in myself, and she’s the reason I created Soulsterhood.

If you’re looking to deepen your relationship with your inner child, here are five ways you can love them right now:

1. Write a letter to yourself as a child.

This is my all-time favourite inner child exercise, and it can be quite powerful. Find a quiet spot, get out a pen and paper and write to your inner child. Don’t try to plan what comes from your pen, just let the words flow.

If you want to take this exercise to the next level, try responding to yourself as your inner child by using your non-dominant hand (the one you don’t write with). Chances are your writing will look slower and child-like, and you might be surprised with what you learn.

2. Place a photo of your childhood self somewhere you will see it every day.

I keep a framed picture of my six year-old self on my dresser and say hi to her every morning. It’s a simple act, but I promise it goes a long way. If a picture frame isn’t your jam, you can tape a picture of yourself to your bathroom mirror, or set your phone background to a picture of your childhood self. Whatever you do, make sure to speak kindly to that picture of little you. Need some inspiration? Check out the queens of Rupaul’s Drag Race speaking to their younger selves.

3. Do something you loved as a child.

What did you love doing when you were a kid? Pick one of those activities and do it! Maybe it’s watching a Disney movie and singing along to your favourite song, maybe it’s busting out the sidewalk chalk and making a hopscotch or maybe it’s going outside on a rainy day and jumping in some puddles. Only you know what activities you liked best, but I promise that reconnecting with one of them will be nourishing for yourself and your inner child.

4. Try a guided inner child meditation.

Meditation is one of my favourite ways to hear what Little Byrne has to say. If you’re new to meditation, or it really isn’t your thing, why not try a quick guided meditation? There are tons on YouTube to choose from, but I’m a particular fan of this one.

5. Put your hand on your heart and ask: “What do you need?”

Take a deep breath, close your eyes and ask yourself the question. Keep an open mind and listen. Congratulations, you’ve just spoken to your inner child.