How to Start a Healing Journey

Written By Byrne

Deciding you want to heal is brave and powerful. It can also be terrifying and overwhelming. How do you know where to start? How do you know if you’re ready? (Spoiler alert: I don’t think most of us ever feel 100% ready. That doesn’t mean we’re not.)

When I decided I wanted to heal, I had no idea where to begin. I just knew I was tired of self-destructing. I desperately wanted to feel better.

I decided to make an appointment with my family doctor. I was pretty sure this was the wrong place to start, but I didn’t know what else to do. I told her I’d experienced some sexual trauma, and I thought that it might be affecting me. I didn’t make eye contact with her, and I didn’t elaborate on what happened.

To my relief, she didn’t ask for the details. Her response was kind and compassionate. She told me she was sorry I’d been through that, and recommended a resource that would help me connect with a therapist. That moment changed my life.

If you’re looking for support as you begin your own healing journey, below are some suggestions that might help.

Connect with a Therapist

My number one recommendation to anyone who is looking to heal from sexual trauma is to connect with a therapist who is experienced in working with survivors of sexual abuse. I highly recommend the website Psychology Today. This is the resource my doctor recommended, and it’s where I found the therapist I’ve been working with since 2018. I really like this resource because you can filter your search and select things that are important for you, such as location, area of expertise, gender, online / in-person, etc.

Most therapists will offer a free consultation so you can see whether you might be a good fit to work together. It’s important to remember that you’re allowed to ask questions during this discussion. Here’s a list of questions you might want to ask a potential therapist, as well as what to look for in their response.

I also want to acknowledge that therapy is a privileged resource that is not accessible for everyone. If financial resources are a concern, qualifying therapists who are under the supervision of a licensed therapist typically charge lower fees.

Try a Somatic Practice (Like Breathwork!)

The word somatic simply means “relating to the body.” While traditional therapy can be supportive in exploring thoughts and feelings, a somatic practice can complement this work by inviting us to notice how our experiences and emotions show up in our bodies.

If you’ve experienced sexual trauma, your body might not feel like a safe place to be. Our bodies remember the trauma we’ve endured, and somatic practices can help us begin to slowly process and release these experiences. The best part about somatic work? You don’t need to talk about what you’ve been through for the practice to be effective. You get to connect with your body’s innate wisdom and allow the process to unfold naturally.

It probably won’t surprise you that breathwork is my personal favourite somatic practice. If you would like to try a breathwork session, I would be honoured to support you. If breathwork doesn’t appeal to you, there are lots of other somatic practices, such as trauma-informed yoga. You can also work with a somatic practitioner who can guide you through somatic exercises. Just make sure that whoever you choose to work with has experience working with trauma.

Seek Community

Experiencing trauma can be an isolating experience. I remember being so afraid of what people would think “if they only knew the truth about me.” As my healing journey progressed, I realized I needed to talk about it. When I finally started to share my story with supportive people, my shame diminished. There’s something deeply healing in being seen and heard by others.

There are many ways you can find your own community, including opening up to supportive friends. In my case, I started by joining a meditation group. I later found out about a free monthly healing circle specifically for survivors in my area, which I still attend to this day. I’ve also been part of various online communities that weren’t necessarily focused on supporting survivors, but helped me connect with like-minded people who became my support network.  

Seeking community can feel vulnerable and scary, but the benefits are worth it. Remember: you get to choose how much of your story you share. You don’t need to disclose all the details of what you’ve been through to be supported.

Learn about Healing Sexual Trauma

Over the years, I’ve taken a lot of comfort in the stories of other survivors. They helped me feel less alone, and gave me hope that healing was possible. There are so many great resources out there that can help you connect with the stories of others. There are also resources that can help you understand how trauma might be affecting you. Here are a few of my recommendations:

 Books:

 Podcast:

  • Overcoming Child Sexual Abuse (Hosted by the incredible Kathy Andersen, an award-winning self-development author and survivor of childhood sexual abuse)

Netflix Special:

While the resources above deal specifically with healing sexual trauma, I also found support in reading the memoirs of inspiring people, such as Viola Davis, Jonathan van Ness and Billy Porter.

Make Time for Self-Care

After all the suggestions I’ve listed above, I would be remiss if I didn’t include this last point: make time for self-care! Deciding to heal is hard work, and it can be a lot.

As you embark on your healing journey, make sure to build in time for things that feel good for you, whether it’s getting outside in nature, spending some quality time with a loved one or a pet, watching a show you love, taking your book to your favourite coffee shop (or something else entirely!)

You’re worthy of healing and it’s ok to take breaks. You’ve got this.

Byrne
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